The night had been rough so far, but at least my headache was receding. My would-be assassins were screaming and dying as they hit the traps I'd set in the storm sewers, but I'd escaped their initial assault with the clothes on my back and a pack full of useful devices and items. Somewhere in the darkness behind me my secret lair was exploding. Catalogued as MRB record 7834329-B, informally recognized as the Dire Monologues. Excerpt #1 from a tape recovered from the wreckage of Doctor Dire's first confirmed lair. And before we get much farther here, there's something you need to know, something you need to keep in mind before we proceed. I'm the you who existed before the medical chair was done with us. well, I'm the you who existed before this process was done. If you're reading this, the surgery was a success.
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